


submerged

by filthycorrade



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 19:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filthycorrade/pseuds/filthycorrade
Summary: Nesta has a fear of being submerged in water but she has plans to change that with the help of Cassian





	submerged

Nesta lay on her bed she shared with Cassian. She stared up at the ceiling. Sighing, Nesta rolled into her side, arm sliding across the silk sheets. The bed was still warm from where Cassian had been lying. Holy Gods, she thought at that moment, I’m so blessed to be his mate. It still was something so foreign for Nesta, to have a mate, to have a husband, to have someone who truly loved her with all that they were.

It had taken 4 years after The War before the mating bond had snapped into place, and she finally understood why it had enthralled Feyre so much. It’s was like a whole living, breathing thing between them, a shared connection that would never be taken away from them. When the bond had snapped into place —she remembered the moment so vividly— she had been sitting on the townhouse rooftop, the little white iron chair, cold and biting into her back. She had been sobbing quietly, remembering her father. It had marked 4 years to that day he had come to save them in the war, and in the process lost his life.

She remembered quiet footsteps coming up behind her, the rattling of the other chair being pulled up beside her own. She remembered the quiet sadness on Cassian’s face as she had looked at him. Neither had said anything as he took her hand in his, as the sat there, silently looking over Velaris. They sat there for a time, it could’ve been minutes, or hours, she had no idea. But as the world started to go dark, she remembered Cassian picking her up, cradling her against his large chest, and carried her back inside.  
She remembered him setting her down gently so that she was standing in the middle of the hall outside the bedrooms. His hand gently reaching up to wipe her tears from her cheeks. She remembered pressing her face into his palm, desperately just needing someone to touch, to hold her in her despair. She had looked up and found his gaze already searching. 

And as she had met his gaze, the world seemed to stop and something lightning bright flared between them. Her breath had whooshed out of her, and Cassian had breathed her name, before resting his forehead on hers. And she had watched as tears then slid down his face. 

And she remembered tears sliding down both of their cheeks later, as he made love to her, telling her how much he did love her, and that he had loved her since the moment they had met. And then the world shattered as she raked her hands through his hair, over his shoulders, down his wings. And then the world had fractured for him too.  
But she also remembered that in the years before that and the year since then, memories still plagued her, of being shoved into that cauldron, of watching her father die, of watching Elain fade in and out of reality for years. 

But with Cassian now… things were changing. After that initial night, she had let her demeanour slip, her mask seeming to fall completely when around him. She let him see the broken parts, the emotional parts, and the kind parts. And he loved every inch of her. 

And lying in bed that morning, she wanted help. She wanted Cassian to help her, help her rid of her fears and start fresh. So Nesta sat up, reaching for her robe, and glided out of their bedroom, searching for her mate. 

She found Cassian slumped on the couch, munching on an apple. His head snapped up as she entered.

“Good morning, Love.” Cassian’s words were full of affection. She walked over to him, standing in front of him and he looked up at her as he leaned forward to place his hands behind her knees.

“I want it to change. The fear.. I want it gone.” Her words were barely more then a whisper.

“Fear is not bad, sweetheart. If you are scared of doing something, it usually means its important to you.” His voice took on a soft note that very few ever heard. Nesta continued to look at him, her eyes willing him to say more. He sighed. “But is it something I can help with?”

Nesta urged Cassian to stand up, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers. He followed her without question. She led him down the hall, in their bedchambers, through to the joining washroom. She stood and stared at the wash pool. It had been made large to accommodate Illyrian Wings. He followed her gaze.

Cassian walked around till he stood in front of Nesta. He gently lifted his hands to either side of her face. “You are so brave. My brave, amazing, stunning Mate.” His words were soft. He kissed her brow before walking over to the water. Cassian held out his hand for her, she swiftly walked over and held his hand. He pressed a light kiss to each knuckle, then dropped her hand. 

“May I?” He gestured to her robe, and Nesta nodded. His hands rose up to the strings that held it together at the front, and he pulled them undone, gently pushing her robe from her shoulders. As it fell to the floor, she crossed her arms over her abdomen, suddenly very aware of how bare she was. He turned away as he quickly stripped himself of the shirt and boxers he had pulled on when he woke up. 

Nesta watched as Cassian walked down the first few steps, water going up to his mid thigh. He turned around and waited. She scanned his body, all the muscles and tattoos and scars. She looked at his beautiful face, then the broad expanse of his torso, then lower, lower. Holy gods. Nesta‘s face flushed as she looked at her feet.

“Sweetheart? If you don’t want to–“, but Cassian’s voice was cut off by her striding to stand on the first step. The water splashed around her feet. Gods. Oh Gods. What in burning hell was she thinking?

Nesta’s breathing quickened as the panic started to set in. Her hands flew up to her throat. She was back in the cauldron, the air choking out of her lungs, her body being dragged away from the light, and that hand, the death she had bestowed upon that man. It was all too familiar, and gods she was drowning. She wasn’t breathing and Elain.. she had to help Elain.

But then strong hands gripped her shoulders, and those hazel eyes looking into her own grey eyes. 

“Nesta. Nesta, my love. Are you alright?” Cassian voice broke. His eyes searched hers. His chest heaved. 

“What happened?” Nesta was panting. “What-are you OK? What did–?” Her words cut off when she saw handprints on his arms. She had-had burnt him, his flesh, blistering. “Oh-oh. Cass, I’m so sorry.” Nesta bit down on her lip, tears welling in her eyes. She turned her head to the side, not meeting his gaze. 

A hand gripped her chin, turning her head back to face him. “One step. One step at a time. Just take it slowly.” His eyes searched hers. She nodded slowly, Cassian returning the nod.  
And Nesta did just that. She walked down the next few steps, letting her arms drop to her side. Her fingers grazed the water. It was warm. She hadn’t stopped to realise how warm it was, so unlike the cauldron. She rested her forehead as his arms circled her waist, drawing her closer. And as she stood flush against his chest, she let his warmth seep into her skin, her bones, her very soul. And she knew.

Nesta knew, that no matter what, no matter the fears she faced or the challenges she came across, she could conquer them all. That with her mate by her side, and her family all around her, there was nothing that she couldn’t do over time. It may take years, or decades, but that was okay. 

Even if she was to be submerged, the light that now filled her cracks and wounds, it seemed to take hold of everything she had ever doubted and everything she had ever known turned it into something beautiful and graceful and happy inside her. Turned those doubts into a promise of something better.

And as Nesta looked up into Cassian’s eyes, she saw the promise there too. They could do it. They would do it. 

And they would do it together.

**Author's Note:**

> lol sorry if this sucks but im trying


End file.
